Stonewalling is
the deliberate attempt to withdraw from interaction in order to manipulate and control the situation.
Stonewalling erodes trust, respect, connection and attraction.
Stonewalling also breeds hopelessness. Whenever
you get into any type of conversation or interaction around problem solving, and you know that she is going to go quiet, you begin to believe that ‘this will never work’, you begin to believe that ‘it’s hopeless’ and you start to resent the other person.
So how do you change stonewalling?
When you’re the one doing the stonewalling, avoiding her and giving the silent treatment, you have to know that the stronger man will stand strongly on both feet and stay present, calm and confident.
Stop believing that what’s happening is going to hurt you.
Stop thinking that the best relief of the pressure you’re feeling is to run away from it or avoid it because that reaction causes more fear than you standing there with her.
Women always say that they feel more fearful when you
run away and can’t stand there with her in a conflict – stonewalling is eroding her trust and confidence in you.
What if she’s stonewalling?
Many women do this, give us the silent treatment,
cutting you off fro connection and safety, maybe she’s locked the bedroom door and tells you to go and sleep on the couch - yes, that’s stonewalling!
First of all, call it out.
That’s why it’s good to understand these terms so that
when you let her know how to respond.
“What you’re doing right now is not acceptable. I don’t treat you like that and I don’t want to be treated this way.”
Call it out. Make sure she knows that YOU know what’s going on.
But you also need to release the pressure.
If she’s stonewalling, she’s feeling pressure and she’s moving away from that pressure.
You have to back
away.
You have to wait for the clouds to clear and the pressure to reduce before you come back together.
Then you can hopefully have a conversation where you can talk about this stonewalling not being acceptable and how it doesn’t help anything.
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