You have way more power in rebuilding trust
than you might think
I probably don't need to type much more because I know you're a smart guy and you've already figured out where I'm going with this.
You are most likely in a committed, monogamous, intimate and sexual relationship with one woman. Let's just focus on that.
Her daily sense of safety, security
and emotional well-being is challenged from many angles. Her childhood, her parents, her friends, Cosmo and Facebook are all badgering her.
Even her past experiences with other men and your last few years together give her enough DATA to tell her she's not safe, she's not loved and she's not good enough.
Have you ever felt like that? I bet you have and that's called empathy. You don't have to be her in order to understand how that feels.
The Big Problem
The big problem is that it's IMPOSSIBLE to have true compassion if we are suffering from the same affliction.
If you are feeling unsafe, unloved and not enough of a man...you're pretty much screwed in giving her what she needs from you right now.
Some
therapists think this requires both people to jointly learn about each other's insecurities and wounds so they can help nurture each other back to safety, connection and intimacy.
The big problem is this almost never
happens simultaneously.
And in a stale, troubled marriage that's locked up in limbo land, there's only one thing that can help.
ONE of you needs to find your way back to your natural state.
Brother, your natural state is
well-being.
Your default state is calm, confident, clear-headed, self-respecting and safe.
It's a silly smirk you feel inside yourself that says you're okay. And because you're okay, you can generously empathize with others without feeling threatened or intimidated.
Sadly, nearly every man I talk to in the beginning is suffering from feelings of fear, threat and intimidation in his relationship.
And as you know, I don't let him spend much time blaming someone else. He created that
monster.
He "thought" his way into this mess and he can think his way back out of it and into a brand new reality.
I'm hoping this is the year you decide to create your new reality.
And I want to see the lightbulb moment you have when this shit really starts to click with you.
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“In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing.” I simply LOVE doing this work with men because it lights up my life to watch you charge back into your life with a grin on your face and swagger in your step. |
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